EMOTIONAL DISHONESTY /A DENIAL OF SELF

Concept developed by Frances Fox

Emotional Dishonesty: repression of true feelings. Not acknowledging to self and/or others true emotional reactions. Society reinforces this choice by valuing politeness and repression of what are considered negative or aggressive emotions.

One of our biggest enemies during our healing process is our emotional dishonesty. When we say, “it really did not hurt us that much”, “ it wasn’t such a big deal”, “she didn’t really mean to do it”…we are taking away importance from our reaction to an incident or trauma. We all try to excuse the people who do us wrong. We say, “they didn’t understand”, “they didn’t know”, “they didn’t mean it”, “they didn’t realize”, “they didn’t know any better.” In many cases those statements are true and applicable. What is not true is the statement which follows, which is usually: “it really wasn’t that bad for me.” “That is the emotional dishonesty. We underestimate and/or repress our true reactions. We displace that energy into our physical body or energy anatomy. If there is a big enough reaction there can be a shattering and a detaching of part of our astral body including some filaments of our mind. This is kama/manas (emotions/mind) and it leaves the center part of our system. We accept that people do us wrong. The true issue comes from not accepting how we truly feel. When we reject those emotional reactions, we reject a part of ourselves. We have to reject that part of ourselves in order to say, “it wasn’t really that bad.”

Society rewards emotional dishonesty. People with perennial smiles, people who repress appropriate anger are considered superior in social graces and civility. While this might be good for society in that it creates fewer emotional disturbances, it is fatal for the individual. Society is a reflection of its individuals. Eventually this emotional dishonesty, which underlies illness, affects all.

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